An Ordinary Day

It's Five Minute Friday once again where many of us write for 5 minutes straight...the word is ordinary:

Ready? Go!

Devastating words can turn an ordinary day upside down.

It was an ordinary day, an ordinary trip to Taco Bell for the girls in the office, an ordinary drive back—almost 16 years ago. Until I walked in the door. Until my co-worker said that the pastor wanted to see me. Until I stepped into his office where my husband sat waiting.

Why was he here? What was going on? Thoughts breezed through my head like wind whipping through the trees.

Then the painful, heartbreaking words flew out. Words that flipped an ordinary day into the hardest in a matter of seconds. Words that ripped deep into my soul and made me feel less than, not enough and definitely ugly. Words that overturned my marriage in one instant.

Oh, how I longed to return to an ordinary day.

Stop!

Write

I struggle with this mechanic called writing. To write or not to write, that is the question I contemplate often. I seem to have this love-hate relationship with the process. 

Some days procrastination takes over until a deadline looms over my head pushing me to the keyboard. My housecleaning, oddly enough, operates similarly. When a houseful of guests descend upon me, I’m all hurry and scurry, mopping and sweeping to get the house in order.

Other days, I can’t wait to get to the computer to put thoughts, ideas, words down in streams of sentences. Attempting to put clarity to the swirls of thought in my head. 

And, five minute Friday? It’s a complete panic for me, honestly. I feel like someone has a gun to my head as I race against the clock putting some semblance of clarity to the thick mess in my head. 

Like right now!

What I Want My Daughters to Know

I’m blessed with three amazing children, two of them daughters. While one is well on her way to life outside our home, one still remains in the nest. My hope is that I have taught and am teaching them these concepts. Some have been pulled from Lisa-Jo Baker’s blog; others are original.

1.       Jesus loves every single inch of you, inside and out. No.Matter.What!

2.       Who you are is more important than what you do.

3.       You bring more joy to my life than you can possibly comprehend.

4.       Nothing you tell me can make me stop loving you.

5.       No matter what you go through in life, God is always with you.

6.       Laugh a LOT.

7.       Forgive. Bitterness only hurts you.

8.       Put others first; yourself last.

9.       Chocolate is a necessity.

10.   Your body is yours. A delicious gift to be shared with your husband. I promise it’s worth waiting to unwrap together.

11.   Marriage is an act of courage, commitment and sacrifice. It’s also the most fun you’ll ever have with your best friend.

12.   Be the friend you wish you had.

13.   Real life is always better than online.

14.   I’m more interested in your growth than your happiness.

15.   We need each other.

16.   There’s no such thing as perfect.

17.   Always eat ice cream!

18.   Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of body.

19.   You can’t control what others think about you. Let it go.

20.   Honesty and truth are better than deception and lies.

21.   Home is not where we live but who we love.

22.   Sometimes we just need to cry.

23.   The best way never to worry about anyone gossiping about you is never to gossip about anybody.

24.   You can always come home.

25.   You’ll always be my baby girl.

This is not an exhaustive list of everything I desire to teach my girls. It’s such an immense job to tackle in this world that counteracts and undermines good values. And, where I’ve failed in so many areas, I pray that God fills in all the gaps!

What would you add to this list?

The Gratitude List

It all began November 6, 2011. Maddie’s Sunday School teacher challenged the class to keep a gratitude journal for one week. If they wrote every day and brought it to church on Sunday, they would receive a special prize. Maddie latched onto the word “prize” like a Black Friday shopper on an early morning deal. Each night, she faithfully listed 20 items. The reason she picked twenty is easy—20 lines on the page means 20 items for which to thank God.

Her first day, she wrote:

1.       Parents/family

2.       Clothes

3.       Toothbrush and toothpaste

4.       Food and clean water

5.       House/shelter

6.       Pencil to write with right now

7.       Paper to write on right now

8.       Hot tub on my deck

9.       Paintings and pictures

10.   School, even if I don’t like it

11.   Homework, even if I don’t like it

12.   Light

13.   God to lead the way through my life

14.   Books

15.   Coupons

16.   Clocks

17.   Timers

18.   Glasses

19.   Contacts

20.   Chairs

At the end of the week, Maddie recorded 140 items (many duplicates). She brought her journal to class and chose her bag of bubble gum prize.

Since November, with no extra incentive, Maddie diligently scribbles in her gratitude journal nightly. She’s amassed 1200 things she’s thankful for from the entire alphabet to love at first sight, from everyone’s birthday to muscles, from big eyes to smelly nail polish, from fingers to pillows. Maddie covers the gamut of her life from the mundane to the meaningful. She takes her journal to sleepovers so she won’t miss a day of writing. And, if for some reason a day slips by, she doubles up the next. It’s become as much of a habit as brushing her teeth.

This attitude of thankfulness developing inside her, this ritual of writing down her thanks, causes her to dwell on the goodness of the Creator. Each day she searches her mind for those things, those people, those events for which she can give gratitude to the Giver. This daily writing awakens her mind to all the good gifts God has given her and even some she finds distasteful, like school and homework. Still, she offers thanks. She leads by example, and for that I am grateful!

"Give thanks for the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever." (Psalm 106:1)

What’s the Word?

The mantra chanted repeatedly in circles around this time of year is familiar to most of us. “Did you make any New Year’s Resolutions?” spills out of mouths like the greeting, “Merry Christmas.” People’s responses range from scorn because of past failures to excitement for what might be achieved.  I’ve failed miserably when making goals. One year I planned to eliminate sweets from my diet. In the midst of eating a piece of cake, I realized I forgot about my goal. The rest was history including that resolution. Since then, I’ve learned tips about making goals more specific and measurable. Perhaps I would’ve succeeded if my resolve were to cut sweets to three times a week instead of never eating them again. I grasped the real lesson:

never again make a resolution involving chocolate.

I enjoy creating goals for the New Year, focusing my energy with God’s help in various areas, such as family, spiritual, physical, ministry and leadership. In recent years, however, I’ve also prayed about a “word” that will characterize my year. Around November, I ponder what word God might speak to me. Many times, this word will crop up as I’m reading my Bible or another book. I may sense that He’s teaching me a trait through a family issue. I always hope it’s not patience because I really don’t want to take those field trip experiences.

A journal writer sporadically since a teen, I love looking back at what I’ve written. In my diary days, I wrote inspiring notes about boys I liked and ugly words about my sister: “She thinks she’s pretty, but she’s not.” It’s good for a chuckle but not much else. As an adult, I’ve vented and vomited words on the page. I’ve prayed and praised the God to whom I owe everything. And, I’ve remembered and recounted the events of each year. So, as I roll back the time to 2010 when my word was “flourish,” I read that it was filled with tough times, and I wrote, “I’m not sure that (flourish) really occurred in my estimation.” It felt much more like failure to me.

Last year, my word was “God’s Goodness.” Okay, that’s two words, but who’s counting?  The year began with “my brain is encased in a thick fog this morning after a migraine that felt like it was going to blow its innards like Mt. St. Helens. My left ear throbs as if someone were poking me with sharp needles.” Off to a great start so far. I began to wonder about my chosen “words” when I spent the first two week s of January 2011 in bed several days with various sicknesses…migraines, dizziness, ear pain and vomiting.  Intersperse about a million snow days when the kids were hanging around, and that’s a little too much goodness for me!

God’s Goodness

Yet, what God taught me with those two words over the course of the year was that His goodness had nothing to do with my circumstances.  In one journal entry, I wrote, “The year can only go up from here, right?! Right?! My words, “God’s goodness,” for 2011 sound almost humorous. Still I know that just because my circumstances have been bleak doesn’t mean He isn’t good. It’s all in the perspective, right?” Like a roller coaster, the year was up then down, yet I experienced His goodness in all of it. Our circumstances may not be outwardly good, but God can use them for our eternal good. What I found is that God’s goodness permeated each event in my life last year. It’s a lesson I will not forget.

So, what does this year hold? What word am I hanging on to? Drum roll, please….This year, I believe it’s “grace.” Grace for me when I blow it, and grace for me to offer others. Beyond that, I’m waiting to see how the year unfolds and what God will show me!  Now, it’s your turn.

What “word” will God give you?

Sometimes Silence is a Good Thing

“When words are many, sin is not absent,

But he who holds his tongue is wise.” Proverbs 10:19

Excuse me if I step on some toes, mine included…but, can we just stop blabbing and gabbing to each other ABOUT each other? As women, we have a particular affinity for taking information and passing it along as carelessly as trash littered along the highway. I have my own experiences getting caught in the web of gossip, filled with shame and remorse at the horrifying things I’ve said whether guised as a prayer request or not. The past few years, I’ve been a leader of a women’s Bible study in which we advocate encouraging and building each other up, speaking strongly against careless words said about anyone.

Recently, I discovered that someone spread vicious words to another about a young friend. I was sickened, disappointed, heartbroken. My friend, hurt and distraught, is fragile, as we all are. Lies and rumors swirl around her through media sources and the old-fashioned telephone game, and she is wounded like she’s just been through a sword fight. She thought Christian women were different. Well, we are supposed to be…aren’t we? Everything I read in the Bible tells me that I am held to a higher standard. Who can I trust if I can't trust a fellow believer?

If I have no problem slaying and fileting my own, what does that say to the community of unbelievers? What does God think about me marring and mutilating His daughter, His creation?  Is there no safe place for me to share my feelings? Should I constantly worry about whether what I say is going to be spewed to another in a different venue?

Is there any hope for us in this potentially toxic area? Even James says, “But no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” (James 3:8) Goodness knows, I’ve bitten my tongue dozens of times, yet I’ve also let loose venom and hurt others more often than I care to confess. Haven’t we all felt that nudge not to share some interesting nougat we’ve just discovered? Haven’t we all ignored it? In the situation with my friend, the person who chose to sink ships with her lips didn’t heed the little voice. She jumped right in the muck and mire with both feet as I’ve done plenty of times.

How can we stop this poison? We certainly can’t do it on our own, without God, so let’s start with Him! John 15:5 says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me, and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” If we are not stuck to Jesus, fixed to the Rock, we can’t do this.  We can’t do anything, including zipping our lips, without Him. Remaining in Him means being in His word. It’s extremely difficult to reflect His image if we don’t spend time knowing who He is and what we should be putting into practice. 

In addition, we need to pay attention to the gut feelings that say, “Don’t share that nice, juicy tidbit.” Proverbs 13:3 says, “(She) who guards (her) lips guards (her) life, but (she) who speaks rashly will come to ruin.” My mother, a church office assistant for many years, set the bar high in this area. She had plenty of opportunity to share the inside scoop, but she never did. She said that if information ever escaped, she never desired it to be from her. If you keep your mouth closed, your heart won’t condemn you and neither can others.

We also must be aware that our witness is being reflected to unbelievers as well as fellow believers. People are always watching us—our conversation, our attitude and our behavior.  Sadly, we don’t always look all that different from those who don’t know Christ.  We should be asking ourselves if others are attracted to Jesus by what they see in us. If the answer is no, our mouths need a transformation.

Have you ever shared your heart with another person only to hear that she had spread it far and wide? Not only are we hurt, embarrassed, angry, but we also realized that the woman we had confided in was untrustworthy. We learn to distance ourselves from someone like that. Do we want to be women whom others can trust? If we constantly break confidences, other women will not feel comfortable revealing their struggles to us. Once again, Proverbs speaks to this. “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy (woman) keeps a secret.” (11:13)

The bottom line is we need to use our words to encourage one another not pass judgment, criticize or tear down. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29) Let’s be conscious of the words we speak.

If what we have to share is not beneficial, we must choose to keep our lips sealed.