Dealing with Disappointment

Last week, while out of the country with my hubby, I received a distressing email from a colleague removing me from a writing project. It wasn’t her decision, and while she tried to spill the beans as gently as possible, the news still wounded, inflamed jealousy, and incited anger. My head understood the reasons why, but my heart felt that I deserved more for the hours logged tapping keys. Ill-timed in the middle of a glorious trip in the Serengeti Desert, perhaps the earth-shattering update could’ve waited for a face to face conversation. Still, there's no such thing as perfect timing for painful news, is there?

Life is filled with the unexpected, isn’t it? We never anticipate what is around the next bend in the road. Most of the time, we truck along without thinking about any potential head-on crashes or side swipes. We don’t anticipate someone or something interrupting our smooth sailing, and in a split second, life changes.

The surprising diagnosis of breast cancer, startling death of a loved one, abrupt end of a marriage, miscarriage in late pregnancy, estranged family relationship, unplanned pregnancy, loss of a writing job can happen as sudden as it takes to send an email across the world. Unfortunately, I know real live people, including me, who have been the recipients of such devastating reports in recent days.

Unfortunately, sucking in breath on God’s green earth equates to facing disappointment at some point. I can’t press the escape or delete key when it comes to tragedy. Because I live in a broken world, unforeseen events come with the territory. I can choose, however, how I respond to these unplanned catastrophes.

My human nature cries, “Unfair!” I certainly deserve better than this, right?! The very phrase I spout so quickly to my children comes ringing back in my ear, “Life is not fair.” It’s so much easier to say than experience. The two year old in me emits its ugly self as I pout and stomp my feet in rebellion against this unpredicted bend in the road. I didn’t ask for this interruption, and the world will know it.

Yet, there is another way to handle these crises that crash into my life without warning. I’ve coined it, “But…God,” simply because when I frame the disruption of my plan in the light of His purpose, my perspective changes. Down deep, I am convinced God desires the best for me, so I know He will somehow work good in even this out of the blue predicament. And yes, the Enemy lurks, evil abounds and life happens, so I shouldn’t be surprised that my journey feels like a roller coaster that jumped off the tracks.

Still, God promises His presence always, in every situation, no matter how ugly. And I’ve witnessed that truth firsthand—through divorce, single-parenting, financial pressures, parenting teens, difficult family relationships and now this writing obstacle. I don’t understand God’s plan and purpose, but He sees what I do not see. His vision is perfect; mine is flawed. Thus, while I deal with disappointment and specifically this setback, I trust God to work more of His character in me and reveal my new direction.

What disappointments have you faced? What has been your typical response?

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” Romans 5:3-5 NLT

© Hpphoto | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Write

I struggle with this mechanic called writing. To write or not to write, that is the question I contemplate often. I seem to have this love-hate relationship with the process. 

Some days procrastination takes over until a deadline looms over my head pushing me to the keyboard. My housecleaning, oddly enough, operates similarly. When a houseful of guests descend upon me, I’m all hurry and scurry, mopping and sweeping to get the house in order.

Other days, I can’t wait to get to the computer to put thoughts, ideas, words down in streams of sentences. Attempting to put clarity to the swirls of thought in my head. 

And, five minute Friday? It’s a complete panic for me, honestly. I feel like someone has a gun to my head as I race against the clock putting some semblance of clarity to the thick mess in my head. 

Like right now!

The Gratitude List

It all began November 6, 2011. Maddie’s Sunday School teacher challenged the class to keep a gratitude journal for one week. If they wrote every day and brought it to church on Sunday, they would receive a special prize. Maddie latched onto the word “prize” like a Black Friday shopper on an early morning deal. Each night, she faithfully listed 20 items. The reason she picked twenty is easy—20 lines on the page means 20 items for which to thank God.

Her first day, she wrote:

1.       Parents/family

2.       Clothes

3.       Toothbrush and toothpaste

4.       Food and clean water

5.       House/shelter

6.       Pencil to write with right now

7.       Paper to write on right now

8.       Hot tub on my deck

9.       Paintings and pictures

10.   School, even if I don’t like it

11.   Homework, even if I don’t like it

12.   Light

13.   God to lead the way through my life

14.   Books

15.   Coupons

16.   Clocks

17.   Timers

18.   Glasses

19.   Contacts

20.   Chairs

At the end of the week, Maddie recorded 140 items (many duplicates). She brought her journal to class and chose her bag of bubble gum prize.

Since November, with no extra incentive, Maddie diligently scribbles in her gratitude journal nightly. She’s amassed 1200 things she’s thankful for from the entire alphabet to love at first sight, from everyone’s birthday to muscles, from big eyes to smelly nail polish, from fingers to pillows. Maddie covers the gamut of her life from the mundane to the meaningful. She takes her journal to sleepovers so she won’t miss a day of writing. And, if for some reason a day slips by, she doubles up the next. It’s become as much of a habit as brushing her teeth.

This attitude of thankfulness developing inside her, this ritual of writing down her thanks, causes her to dwell on the goodness of the Creator. Each day she searches her mind for those things, those people, those events for which she can give gratitude to the Giver. This daily writing awakens her mind to all the good gifts God has given her and even some she finds distasteful, like school and homework. Still, she offers thanks. She leads by example, and for that I am grateful!

"Give thanks for the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever." (Psalm 106:1)

What’s the Word?

The mantra chanted repeatedly in circles around this time of year is familiar to most of us. “Did you make any New Year’s Resolutions?” spills out of mouths like the greeting, “Merry Christmas.” People’s responses range from scorn because of past failures to excitement for what might be achieved.  I’ve failed miserably when making goals. One year I planned to eliminate sweets from my diet. In the midst of eating a piece of cake, I realized I forgot about my goal. The rest was history including that resolution. Since then, I’ve learned tips about making goals more specific and measurable. Perhaps I would’ve succeeded if my resolve were to cut sweets to three times a week instead of never eating them again. I grasped the real lesson:

never again make a resolution involving chocolate.

I enjoy creating goals for the New Year, focusing my energy with God’s help in various areas, such as family, spiritual, physical, ministry and leadership. In recent years, however, I’ve also prayed about a “word” that will characterize my year. Around November, I ponder what word God might speak to me. Many times, this word will crop up as I’m reading my Bible or another book. I may sense that He’s teaching me a trait through a family issue. I always hope it’s not patience because I really don’t want to take those field trip experiences.

A journal writer sporadically since a teen, I love looking back at what I’ve written. In my diary days, I wrote inspiring notes about boys I liked and ugly words about my sister: “She thinks she’s pretty, but she’s not.” It’s good for a chuckle but not much else. As an adult, I’ve vented and vomited words on the page. I’ve prayed and praised the God to whom I owe everything. And, I’ve remembered and recounted the events of each year. So, as I roll back the time to 2010 when my word was “flourish,” I read that it was filled with tough times, and I wrote, “I’m not sure that (flourish) really occurred in my estimation.” It felt much more like failure to me.

Last year, my word was “God’s Goodness.” Okay, that’s two words, but who’s counting?  The year began with “my brain is encased in a thick fog this morning after a migraine that felt like it was going to blow its innards like Mt. St. Helens. My left ear throbs as if someone were poking me with sharp needles.” Off to a great start so far. I began to wonder about my chosen “words” when I spent the first two week s of January 2011 in bed several days with various sicknesses…migraines, dizziness, ear pain and vomiting.  Intersperse about a million snow days when the kids were hanging around, and that’s a little too much goodness for me!

God’s Goodness

Yet, what God taught me with those two words over the course of the year was that His goodness had nothing to do with my circumstances.  In one journal entry, I wrote, “The year can only go up from here, right?! Right?! My words, “God’s goodness,” for 2011 sound almost humorous. Still I know that just because my circumstances have been bleak doesn’t mean He isn’t good. It’s all in the perspective, right?” Like a roller coaster, the year was up then down, yet I experienced His goodness in all of it. Our circumstances may not be outwardly good, but God can use them for our eternal good. What I found is that God’s goodness permeated each event in my life last year. It’s a lesson I will not forget.

So, what does this year hold? What word am I hanging on to? Drum roll, please….This year, I believe it’s “grace.” Grace for me when I blow it, and grace for me to offer others. Beyond that, I’m waiting to see how the year unfolds and what God will show me!  Now, it’s your turn.

What “word” will God give you?

Writing Day

I am a planner, a goal maker, a rule follower. So far this year, I’ve been frustrated because life has not followed my dictates.  Ok, so maybe I need to lighten up a tad. I created pages of specific goals for a variety of areas of my life.  Prioritizing writing time is a main focus.

My calendar is filled with color-coded schedules for each member of my family.  Without this I would be as lost as a Spanish-speaking traveler in China. I began the year with my pink pen highlighting the days I would devote to writing. Not only would this be a prominent message to my family that I would not be accessible to them during this time, but it would also be a reminder to me not to schedule anything else on these days. 

With the holidays over, I was anxious to follow my plan.  A week into the New Year, I woke up sick and spent the entire day in bed.  Not part of my plan to become sick.  Scratch out my writing day.  Five days later, sickness attacks me again.  Really? I don’t believe I was sick all the previous year, and I’ve been hit twice already?  My plan is not coming to fruition. My goals are glaring at me, wondering why I haven’t done anything. My hubby tries to remind me that goals are not supposed to be like Nazi’s, ruling your life.  He doesn’t know my goals!

Week two arrives and so does wonderful winter snow cancelling school for two days. That’s just terrific, I complain to the air. Writing day cancelled again. I confess I can’t moan about sleeping late for that’s as pleasant as sipping my Starbuck’s Marble Mocha Macchiato. But, entertaining a 9 year-old and a teenager?  My plans didn’t include that.

I’m prepared for week three…two days off school for a holiday and a teacher in-service day. It sure seems like we could’ve used those days to make up the two snow days from the previous, but no one asked me for my expert opinion. I’m not too upset, however, because I anticipate my writing day coming barring another snow storm or sickness.

Finally, it happened! Yesterday, my computer and I spent 5 hours of quality time together at Barnes and Noble simply writing. My rule-following, goal setting, perfectionistic self can cross “writing day” off my list. No interruptions, no phone calls (because I accidentally left it at home), no laundry and no lunch even (unless you count my orange cranberry scone). I can’t wait until the next writing day!

And, today? Well, it’s another snow day…

A Fresh White Page

It's a curl-up-on-the-couch, read-a-book kind of day.  If only I had purchased that Snuggie!  Instead, I've darted in and out of the car today juggling my umbrella.  The wet and cold chills my entire body as I rush into the library for a brief one hour. It's almost time for my yearly hibernation ritual, I think.  When the air becomes brisk, especially to the extent that I catch my breath, I get this urge to do what bears do.  In fact, I'd sign up for curbside delivery of my groceries during this frigid time of the year.   If only!

I'd recently returned from a writer's conference in which the speakers encouraged the attendees to write something every day.  This exercise is supposed to turn on the faucet of words.  So, I've trekked to the library to do my due diligence.  I'm hoping it works because yesterday as I stared at the computer screen, willing something to come forth, I eked out one measly paragraph.  I wrote and deleted a million times.  Nothing was right. Nothing was good enough.  Nothing was perfect!  In desperation, I closed the computer and started dinner.  That's one exercise I perform daily and have perfected. 

I position myself at the table and stare out the window at the gray and the rain that looks like the inside of my mind.  I will the words to form, so I can complete my task.  I mull and agonize over words, phrasing, similes, strong nouns and verbs.  I cross out which isn't quite as pretty as the delete button.  The page is smeared with ink; it's ugly.  I wish I could start over with a fresh white page.  A ray of light pierces my mind, and it occurs to me that God has already given me a fresh white page!  I don't have to be perfect; it's more than enough that He is.